No Shame in My Game

I tried to hold out as long as I could.

I tried changing my diet, and exercising.

I tried taking a walk, being in nature and reading a book.

The only problem was that I still found myself having a little bit of a nervous breakdown on the floor of my closet about 3 times a week.  And that was when I was trying to hide the crazy crying from my kids.  That doesn’t count the numerous times my eyes would well up during the week when I was feeling frustrated or angry with myself or someone else.

My emotion could vary by the minute and I was starting to think I was crazy.  My emotions sat at the tip of my tongue all day, every day.

I started feeling more withdrawn from people I love and I don’t have to really say (but I will anyway) that I gained about 40 pounds and have hit my highest weight including pregnancy weight.

Then, six weeks ago, I decided that I was done trying the alternative and I just did the thing that I had been avoiding.  I went to my Dr. and asked for an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication.  He prescribed me Paxil (which I had taken when I was in high-school and helped immensely) and within 3 days I was a different person.

There is absolutely no shame in asking for help and using your resources to help you feel better.  I have a genetically predisposition for mental illness (this means any kind of chemical imbalance and cannot be corrected with lifestyle changes).  I have grown weary of trying to correct it myself, and the only thing I accomplish is feeling more and more like a failure whenever my endeavors didn’t work the way I wanted them to.

I can count on 2 fingers how many times I have cried in the past 6 weeks (and they were when I started talking to my therapist and it was more like two tears instead of sobbing hysterically).  I am a more patient mother and wife.  Even my family noticed a difference when I visited them in Utah last month.  I am more in control of my emotions.  And one of the things at the top of my list that has changed: My weight has stopped climbing.

I still have a lot of work to do.  I am now seeing my therapist every two weeks and we are starting to work on some things (therapy is overwhelming at first because you have no idea where to start).  But I am coming up with a  plan to put in place very soon.  But finding the right medication was a HUGE step in the right direction:)

❤ Carrie


5 thoughts on “No Shame in My Game

  1. rj2Ralph

    The crying, I am doing it now. But I like you think I will go the exercise route first. I already take enough meds to choke a horse.


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