No Shame in My Game

I tried to hold out as long as I could.

I tried changing my diet, and exercising.

I tried taking a walk, being in nature and reading a book.

The only problem was that I still found myself having a little bit of a nervous breakdown on the floor of my closet about 3 times a week.  And that was when I was trying to hide the crazy crying from my kids.  That doesn’t count the numerous times my eyes would well up during the week when I was feeling frustrated or angry with myself or someone else.

My emotion could vary by the minute and I was starting to think I was crazy.  My emotions sat at the tip of my tongue all day, every day.

I started feeling more withdrawn from people I love and I don’t have to really say (but I will anyway) that I gained about 40 pounds and have hit my highest weight including pregnancy weight.

Then, six weeks ago, I decided that I was done trying the alternative and I just did the thing that I had been avoiding.  I went to my Dr. and asked for an anti-depressant/anti-anxiety medication.  He prescribed me Paxil (which I had taken when I was in high-school and helped immensely) and within 3 days I was a different person.

There is absolutely no shame in asking for help and using your resources to help you feel better.  I have a genetically predisposition for mental illness (this means any kind of chemical imbalance and cannot be corrected with lifestyle changes).  I have grown weary of trying to correct it myself, and the only thing I accomplish is feeling more and more like a failure whenever my endeavors didn’t work the way I wanted them to.

I can count on 2 fingers how many times I have cried in the past 6 weeks (and they were when I started talking to my therapist and it was more like two tears instead of sobbing hysterically).  I am a more patient mother and wife.  Even my family noticed a difference when I visited them in Utah last month.  I am more in control of my emotions.  And one of the things at the top of my list that has changed: My weight has stopped climbing.

I still have a lot of work to do.  I am now seeing my therapist every two weeks and we are starting to work on some things (therapy is overwhelming at first because you have no idea where to start).  But I am coming up with a  plan to put in place very soon.  But finding the right medication was a HUGE step in the right direction:)

❤ Carrie

Getting Serious with Deleting

Hey there!

Long time no type.  For real.  Is anybody even still out there?


Ya.  That’s what I thought.

Oh well.  I’ll type like someone is reading;)

Notice anything different around here?


This is the first post on this blog. And the only one.

It’s time to start over guys.

Start WHAT over, you ask?

Life.  Life needs to start over.  It’s an impossible request and one that I, for obvious reason’s, cannot fulfill.

Life has gotten hard, guys (girls/whoever).  Days go in and out faster than I can catch up and I’ve been feeling it this year.

The winds of change are being welcomed and I HATE change so that’s saying something.

I’ll try and make this short because this post is not suppose to be depressing.  I’ve had some real issues with depression and overwhelming anxiety.  So much that I find myself in tears a good portion of the week.

Three kids has broken me.   Three are tough.  I didn’t believe it when more experienced parents told me that three kids were a game changer.  Boy, was it ever.  I don’t know if my 3rd baby was hard or just dealing with a baby and two other children was hard.

Not sure which is which, but I have ran the emotional gambit this last year.  But I have amazing children.  And luckily, they make me want to get my life together so that they can think the same of me.

I have an awesome (so I’ve heard) therapist that I am going to start seeing at the end of June (couldn’t get in any earlier), and I am excited to dig deep into my brain and figure this whole emotional rollercoaster out.

I’m excited about a plan that I feel is going to be successful (post on Wednesday).

It’s time to start facing life as a Food Addict.  I’ve turned to food so often that I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore.  I can’t wait to figure this all out.

It’s my 37th birthday tomorrow and I want to make progress before I hit 40.  It will be one of the greatest gifts I can give myself.

So today, I give my self the gift of deletion.  I’m deleting all of my past posts.  All of my past failed attempts at weight loss, and I’m starting new.  With a different strategy, so that I can conquer this addiction once and for all.

❤ Carrie

P.S.  I wish I could blog every single day, but at this point I am barely able to write in my own personal journal everyday.  I will be using my Shrinking Carrie Facebook page regularly and will be making a blog post at least once a week.  Follow my Facebook page if you want to be updated regularly:)

P.P.S.  I have also deleted almost everything on my blog and am going to be updating everything up till this point in my life this next week.  Thanks for reading!